I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize