have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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