maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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