walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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