I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize