Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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