I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize