Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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