Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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