I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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