I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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