Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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