I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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