How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize