sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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