Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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