I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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