You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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