the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize