I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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