There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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