it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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