Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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