The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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