sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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