i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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