a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When are your genitals available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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