im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize