you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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