if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found puke in my bra..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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