the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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