I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize