Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
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Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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