no, he came in my armpit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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