Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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