Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is wine microwaveable?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize