at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize