yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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