I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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