She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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