Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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