I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize