I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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