buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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