I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize