I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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