Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize