is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
there is glitter all over my balls
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