Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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