btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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